Just kidding. But it has been 20 days since my last blog post… which is highly unusual. But let’s be honest, there’s been a fair bit going on in my life – and for once, it’s not strictly architecture-related 🙂
First and foremost, I’m the happiest I’ve been in living memory. All my friends have been commenting on how amazingly relaxed I am and how I no longer look like a walking corpse (which ordinarily would be insulting if it hadn’t been true… 😉). I believe this is due to 2 things:
1) Dropping back to one subject because I wasn’t ready to cope with another semester of soul-crushing, debilitating, anxiety-ridden horror so soon… 2nd best decision I ever made. Life is still stressful but not to the toxic, death-inducing level it has been for the last 3 years.
2) I’ve fallen totally, hopelessly and completely in love for the first time in my life. And it happened really quickly. Which I think happens when you just know in your heart someone is right for you. The normal fear, caution and trepidation is non-existent. He is incredible in more ways than I can count. But the best part is that he likes me as I am now. I don’t need to be anyone other than me. I don’t need to be the super-skinny trophy of old. He likes who I am inside. And copes with the outer package (haha, kidding). Which is great because I’m exhausted. The return to my former (and firmer) glory will be a long and tiring process. But i know he’ll be there to help. He makes me laugh. He listens. He’s polite. He’s affectionate. He has old-school manners… He actually cares about people. He’s intelligent, witty, a great conversationalist and (in my opinion) incredibly handsome. His smile and laugh gives me butterflies. I just hope I can return to him all the things he gives me.
In short, as I’m sure thousands of women have said before (but they were wrong and I’m right 😜), I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I found my unicorn. I thought men like this were a myth made up by Hollywood and Hallmark to make more money.
Ok, end nauseating, gushing rant.
Now….. the trouble comes in that it is insanely hard to start a relationship in the last 5 weeks of semester. Explaining to someone that you can’t spend time with them because you have to do copious amounts of technical documentation that takes up 24 hours a day is obnoxious and annoying. It’s like “here, have this brief snippet of my time and I’m sorry but that will have to satisfy you because for some reason, the Faculty believes architecture is the most important thing in the world.”
Not. Good. Enough.
It makes me extremely fearful about next year. Once I have an Architectural Design subject back in my life, all bets are off. As all my friends are currently finding out yet again, that shit is all-consuming. I think it’s the most difficult part of what we do. Those projects become a part of us because it is our creativity and our soul on those presentation boards and interspersed throughout the floor plans, elevations and sections. Crap, even through the details. It’s art. And art is personal. And time-consuming. It’s like exhibiting your innermost thoughts and feelings. And then being criticised for it.
Creativity can’t be contained between 9 and 5. There will be nights when I can’t come to bed. Sometime 3 or 4 in a row. There will be tears, tantrums, suicidal thoughts from over-tiredness and exhaustion, breakdowns, nerves and deep anxiety. How do you explain this to somebody or expect them to cope with it? Is it possible to say “Honey, I need you to see the bigger picture. This is temporary while I study and it won’t be like this in professional practice” ????!! Can someone really understand? I’ve watched my friends’ long-term relationships crumble under the strain of architectural studies. I don’t want that to happen to me.
After all, this is just architecture. No one’s life is dependent upon us. We don’t need to be awake at 3am giving someone life-saving brain surgery. It’s. Just. Architecture.
But on the plus side………..