OK, so yesterday’s post was a prime example of why I don’t blog during bad episodes. Oh boy. I’m so sorry, everyone. But against every instinct in me, I’m not going to take it down because it’s a reminder of what not to do. It’s ok to feel that way, it’s just not ok to tell everyone about it. And it was a mistake. And I’ve learnt from it. I hope.
Today was a slightly better day. Still feeling unwell and out-of-sync with the entire universe but taught a really fun class and said goodbye to the B Group. Next week I get a fresh 50 faces (A Group) to teach for 7 weeks 🙂
I really thank god for my teaching team too… Such an amazing bunch of female professionals with the most brilliant and wicked senses of humour. I think they could tell things were a little off with me and by the end of 4 hours had me literally crying with laughter. Never underestimate the power of laughter. It heals all wounds. I felt so guilty about laughing so hard but as P.M. said:
“You put 3 chicks with brains together, you have to blow off steam somehow, sweetie” (picture this said in a very cute English accent)
I think they were also trying to make me feel better about stuffing up my date on the weekend. I had such a good time and he was really nice and again, made me LAUGH… It was so brilliant to be in the presence of someone so different to me. And someone who was engaging and intelligent and really quite sweet. And who reminded me of Nathan Fillion from the TV show Castle – circa Season 4/5 – who I think is pretty handsome). But I had been mulling over all week whether or not to drop a subject so that I could give myself some breathing space to actually have a life.
If the first date turned into another date, I wanted to be in a position to devote my time and energy to seeing where it could lead… rather than have something else be a victim of this stupid degree and lifestyle. I was trying to do the right thing but because I couldn’t contain my stress about it, I’ve more than likely fucked the whole thing up with him. It felt so lovely to be held and kissed and made to feel pretty. I thought it went really well and I assumed that because we’d spent so much time talking, the important bits were already there but I’m starting to think maybe I just don’t know anything!
Why am I so bloody useless at this stuff?? I have so much to offer, dammit. I’m a kind-hearted person, a loving person, a loyal and sweet person so how do I get this dating stuff so wrong?? *pounds head against wall repeatedly* haha… (that was a sad, mildly self-deprecating laugh – FYI)
Dates to me are like wine… you never trust the first sip 🙂 … obviously, with people being on their best behaviour and all that. Those who know me well know my cheeky side… 😉
So lastly, on a random note, I wanted to share some “funny mood badges you can – but shouldn’t – wear to work” that got sent to me today. Some (most) of them are oh-so-true!!