Most of you know I haven’t been having a good time of it lately. I’m having trouble being strong for me so my usual ability to care for and help others has been greatly diminished… Not gone, I’m just very inwardly focused in order to keep on top of things. And I apologize for that negativity – good times will come again!
Apparently I’m not doing a very good job of staying on top.
Tonight my father told me that he has watched my university studies and my current goals turn me into a physical and emotional mess. The demands for perfection, the self-loathing, the pressure from within to be exceptional… Watching my potential nervous breakdown has him on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
Hearing those words floored me. I realised tonight that my goals are hurting other people. My family is being forced to watch me fall apart and give up having a life for something that will matter to no one besides me… and only matter for the 2-3 hours it takes to get through the graduation ceremony in just under 2 years’ time and for a few days before the reality of job-hunting begins.
When your goals and dreams hurt other people, your loved ones, should you stop? Should you create new goals? Should you renegotiate the level of achievement required? Because I know that my father will feel every minute amount of my pain and struggle until this is all over and I can’t bear to watch that. At the end of the day, it reminds me how loved I am… But with love comes responsibility.
Tonight we watched this show together… I encourage anyone and everyone to watch it…it’s only 52 minutes but if you struggle with over-achieving, being pushed by your parents, being told you’re not good enough…. Please watch.