Mid-Semester General Headspace.
… When something you’ve wanted for so long actually happens, it’s a pretty damn good feeling. One that’s a little foreign but that’s fine.
A lot of people don’t know that about 10 or so weeks ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. Switch careers. I was in such a negative space that the only way out that I could see was getting out of architecture and design. It’s not design’s fault. It’s mine. Sometimes I forget that to achieve great things, you need to make your way through a lot of back-breaking, heart-breaking, frustrating, soul-destroying moments.
But this time I was adamant. I was out. I wanted to be a secondary teacher in Design and Technology like my brother. It was mid-semester but I didn’t care. I knew if I didn’t get out, I was going to snap in a big way. Diabolically. Off-the-charts-completely-lose-my-sh*t.
I come from a small family… including the ‘extended’ members (cousins etc.), there are only 11 adults. Of those 11, nine (9) are teachers or educators. The other one is a lawyer… And then there’s me.
So after weeks of soul-searching, I get up the nerve to tell my parents my decision. Their response was “…lovely idea, Possum, but no.”
I think to myself “I’m nearly 32, I’m an adult, I don’t need approval”… But their rationalisation for their disagreement was that I had too much talent in my field.
“But I want to be an educator!”
“Then finish architecture and go back and bloody teach it but for God’s sake don’t turn your back on everything you’ve done. Just finish it.”
Apparent (and, as it turns out, actual) end of argument.
I stuck with it, using my time in the workshop to help mentor students and fulfil that part of me that desires to teach whilst trudging through the semester without enthusiasm or enjoyment. And sometimes so angry that people suggested Valium. Ha.
But now, out of nowhere, there’s an offer to tutor a subject in the Interior Design discipline under, from what I can glean, an inspiring and enthusiastic educator who believes in the welfare of her students and making the accumulation of knowledge a joyous and fulfilling experience. That’s my dream. Seriously. This is actually a dream come true. To study/learn and simultaneously educate is an amazing opportunity for which I’m incredibly grateful.
I can only hope that my architecture class times don’t clash with the class I would be taking because although I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t be upset, I’d actually be crushed. I have a meeting with the Subject Coordinator next week to discuss more details and I’m trying in the meantime not to panic about whether or not I actually will make a good teacher…
I guess it’s the same way I panic about whether or not I will make a good architect. At the end of the day, as I found out this semester just gone and – let’s be honest – in my entire life so far, if you believe wholeheartedly in what you’re doing, you can’t go too far wrong.