Apparently. My final 60% architecture assignment is due in less than 48 hours. I got up at 730 on Saturday morning and I haven’t been to bed yet. I don’t want to think how many hours that is. It’s not that I’m badly prepared. I’m just a bloody perfectionist. I don’t know when enough is enough. Why??? I physically can’t sleep. I’m too stressed and every minute is precious.
What I’m most scared about is that I was, as most who read this blog are aware, creatively stifled this semester because of a lot of ill feeling that was floating around the cohort. And for the first time I questioned if architecture is where I should be headed, if I was even any good at it… It was a real crisis of faith.
After giving myself a firm kick in the pants, I realised that I have to get what I want out of this course… So the moment I decided that, the ideas started flowing again. Unfortunately, it was also a week before holidays. So my tutor has seen a rough sketch on the back of some loose paper I had and we had a quick discussion. Structurally, it’s a nightmare. I’m terrified this will be my first really bad crit. Terrified. And not having slept in so long, I’m not sure how I will handle it. I can’t take any more negativity at the moment.
I’m confident in the way I’ve treated the site. I’m confident in my planning. Im more than confident in my concept. I’m not confident on structure, the scale of the building whether or not I want to feel physically ill at least 12 more times this way before I finish my degree.
I just hope we get nice guest tutors for the crits. Even now, I go to pieces when I have to present. Tongue tied, heart racing, sweaty palms, breathless and feel faint.
I still have no confidence in myself, I realise as I sit on my structured 8 minute break. As a designer, I mean. I initially thought that was a bad thing until I realised that admitting it is the first step to changing it.
Back to section rendering. If I break the 72 hour ‘ no sleep’ barrier, you guys will be the first to know. Kids, don’t try this at home.