This is the fourth blog I’ve ever started. I intend for it to be the first I manage to maintain.
And DP, before you say anything, I’ve been working on this at night time and it’s finally going live IN MY LUNCH BREAK…
There are several reasons I want to do this but for the most part, it will enable me to diarise my recovery from Chronic Fatigue (or whatever it is that is ailing me… I’ve had one doc say it is, and one who says it is something else entirely). It will enable me to keep track of my day-to-day life (because in all honesty, you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that happens to me) and share the things that I find interesting and that make me tick.
I’m not going to do any of those unbelievably dodgy “before and after” pictures or agonising outbursts about how hard it all is… Nobody needs to be put through that trauma. I’ll just keep notes on how I’m feeling (physically and emotionally), why I’m feeling that way and how I intend to either (a) fix it if it’s bad or (b) reward myself for achieving it if it’s good. If anyone wants to help with that, that’s why there is a comments section….
Another incredibly positive point is that (because my short term memory is constantly affected by the CFS / Whatever It Is) this blog will be like my version of memory Post-Its or Polaroids… a nod to the movie Memento with Guy Pearce… though of course I don’t have anterograde amnesia, just an inability to recall words, dates, names, numbers and things that have happened the way that I used to, on the fly… as if it was no big deal to store an entire schedule, diary and phonebook in my head 🙂
I know I’ve been saying to a lot of you that I was going to start this blog weeks (ok, possibly months) ago but as usual, life got in the way. I kept making excuses like:
“I have Chronic Fatigue; I’m too tired to write…” (laziness)
“I’m away this weekend, I’ll write when I get back…” (procrastination)
“Maybe people aren’t going to care about what I’m writing about…” (self-doubt)
Or (my personal favourite)…
“I can’t possibly write about everything I know – do you know how long that would take!!??” (self-delusion)
(This last one is usually most frequent when I’m lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, doing absolutely sweet F.A.)
The truth is that I love to write. It’s the most therapeutic way of dealing with life for me besides painting and designing. But it’s also going to allow me to have a way of looking back on what is fast becoming the most intoxicating, thoroughly enjoyable time of my life. Studying architecture, meeting new people, having my passion restored and finally having the courage to say “yep, sometimes I’m going to stuff life up and that’s ok” … It will give me the ability to post images and stories about things that interest me (design-focused and otherwise), that my friends can learn from and be inspired by; or that can assist people who don’t always understand the creative side of my life… for them to see how and why it brings me so much happiness.
I will be able to have a written / visual record, to see the highs and the lows, to acknowledge that sometimes life gets rough but with good people around you, even the low times can be dealt with and learnt from. Over this coming weekend, I’ll more than likely elaborate on this because I’m in reflective mode… this usually happens a month or so before my birthday when reality hits that yes, another year has gone by… that, and the fact that despite my procrastination in getting this first blog out there, I have been taking notes in my tiny (TINY) Moleskin notebook. It was the only size I could afford but it is invaluable to me!
Jackie Kennedy once said:
“I want to live my life, not record it” … I love JK. I think she is one woman whose poise, grace and intelligence would be hard to match… but I disagree with her on this point. I want to live my life AND record it.
The content of this blog won’t always be one thing or the other… more than likely several topics will intermingle; sometimes I go off on tangents and I lose the end of the thread. It won’t always be upbeat and positive. It won’t always be negative and cynical. But it will be honest. I won’t censor myself because it will offend some peoples’ sensibilities. Nor will I go out of my way to offend peoples’ sensibilities. It is not the opinion and view of everyone out there. It is mine and mine alone and I am still young enough and naïve enough to believe that I can make a difference. Even if that means doing or saying something that makes one person’s world that little bit brighter or doing or saying something that resonates with a few people, I’ve still made a difference.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately that too many of us are preoccupied with the daily grind, with making money, with putting ourselves first always because it has been drummed into us that it’s the right thing to do and that’s what is expected of us. Yes, these things are, to a certain extent, important… but in making it our sole focus, we forget about people… about human kindness, compassion and hope. I’m not talking about these things in a hippy-ish way… as though these things alone will right what is wrong with the universe. I’m talking about them as though they are the basic tools for doing better; for being better.
I want what I write here to stimulate debate and comments. I do not want what I write here to attract negativity and cruelty.
You may not like what I write. If that’s the case, don’t read it. I won’t hold you at gun-point and make you sit through it. It may not even interest you. I’m completely OK with that. These are just my thoughts, my reflections and my reactions to life, recovering from illness, architecture and everything in between.